My Boyfriend Wants a Break but Still Loves me(Meaning)

In fairy tales, and also in Hollywood romantic movies, people know each other, they face a thousand obstacles to be together but in the end love wins. Thus, they live happily ever after and eat partridges.

In real life the situation is radically different: most couples do not have to face great obstacles to start a relationship, the obstacles come later, with friction and daily coexistence.

“Neither with you nor without you” is the motto of many couples who cannot stand or live apart and who adopt the intermittent relationship model.

Why "my boyfriend wants a break but still loves me". What does even it mean ?

Each couple is a world, they are two different people who have had different life experiences and who now treasure a common history. Therefore, it is difficult to draw conclusions that can be applied to all cases. However, as a general rule, behind that time, some common causes are hidden:

1. Your partner feels overwhelmed.

Each person is different, some need samples of love at all times but others are saturated by those details. It is normal that at the beginning of a relationship, when both people still do not know each other's tastes well, they can end up overwhelming their partner with attentions that the other considers unnecessary or that excessively restrict their freedom. In that case, the person asks for time because they need to have some air to breathe.

2. Your partner needs to step back. 

There are times when the relationship has gone too fast. It is likely that you have been carried away by the euphoria of infatuation and have taken too great steps without knowing each other well or without being prepared to assume that degree of responsibility. In that case, your partner is likely to want to rethink those decisions. It is not about lack of love, but simply taking a step back and taking things a little more calmly, which can be a cautious decision.

3. Your partner does not know what he wants.

 In this case, the person has serious doubts about your relationship. She doesn't know if she wants to continue, if she still loves you, or if that's the kind of relationship she wants to be in. Sometimes that insecurity is due to a fear of commitment, other times it is the product of a life crisis or simply boredom, after a relationship of years in which the spark has been lost. At this point, the person needs to rethink an important part of his life, and he believes that if you are by his side, he will not be able to find the answers he is looking for.

4. Your partner wants to move on, but does not dare.

For some people, breaking a relationship is difficult. Perhaps he fears your answer, does not want to hurt you or thinks that breaking little by little will be more bearable, so he prefers to indirectly break leaving a gap for hope. Obviously, this is the worst prospect because there is usually no going back.

So now, What to do ?

1. Change the format and frequency of communication

There is no use physically walking away if we then spend the day talking on the phone or thinking. Communication has to change and become more sporadic –for example, two or three times a week–, which will allow us to see things with a certain perspective. And if meetings are scheduled, they should be in public and pleasant places, to avoid discussions or too high a tone. You have to listen to understand and not, as we usually do, to answer. Let the person we are talking to express themselves and explain their ideas and points of view in a relaxed way, without the fear of being constantly interrupted. Arguing is good but you have to avoid mixing topics, constantly bringing up the past and always debating the same thing with identical arguments. Another of the errors of 99.9% of couples is that of putting their own thoughts in front of others. I decide for you without asking you. Dialogues that never occur, questions never asked. You always have to have the approval of the other and ask them even if we think we already know the answer. 

2. Detect the real problem

 The formula of taking time, although it can recover the emotion of seeing the other and reactivate sexuality, is intended to try to reflect and detect the true pitfalls of the relationship. Staying in these two collateral benefits is bread for today and hunger for tomorrow or buying a voucher to emulate the off-on experience of many couples who went down in history for their turbulent relationships. Are we mortally bored with our better half, when before it used to be the joy of the garden? Do we crave sexual relations but a strange cosmic force prevents us from having them? Does our partner seem to speak suddenly in Aramaic when before? we had almost telepathic communication?

The real underlying problems can be difficult to identify if you do not have an objective and familiar person with these disputes, but if you are alone in the face of danger, according to Ivan Rotella, “making lists can be of great help because it helps order mental chaos. Pros and cons of the relationship, things I like and dislike about my partner, what attracted me to him or her when I met her, etc ”.

It is also extremely productive to imagine what life would be like without the other so that it does not happen to us like Brexit supporters. Is a bleak picture for us, or, on the contrary, extremely attractive?

3. Do self-criticism

Apart from blaming the other, for a change, we could ask ourselves what is in our behaviour that feeds the bonfire of the fray. Following the philosophy of "change yourself to change the world", we can consider what to do to improve the relationship, what we have changed since the moment we met or what hobbies or inappropriate behaviours fuel conflicts. An exercise that not everyone is willing to do but with countless benefits. Jaime, 37 years old, Madrid, has adopted - together with his partner - a very personal modality of time out. They have taken a while but he goes to a psychologist to work on personal issues. According to Jaime, “this professional has helped me see things that I would not be able to appreciate by myself. It's like when you go to work the same way and you don't change anymore. Someone has to show you another that, maybe, is shorter; or longer, but more pleasant because you go through a park and instead of the cars you listen to the birds. But the most important thing is that when you change that, it affects your entire environment and, of course, the couple. ”

4. Sex, yes or no?

Even though many believe that sex should be discarded in this period of 'meditation', it does not always have to be strictly transcendental. When the couple takes time and remains to have sex, it is a good prognosis. It means that there is still attraction and that problems can be saved, - the lack of desire for the other is already a more difficult solution. Many will be thinking about sex with third parties and I will not be the one to pronounce on it. The ways of the Lord are inscrutable and there have already been many who have realised what they were about to lose in other people's beds.